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Quad Cities USA - Guide to Davenport & Bettendorf Iowa and Rock Island & Moline Illinois
 

Should You Judge Someone On Whether They Like Nickelback?

June 27th, 2018

There’s a scene in Nick Hornby’s “High Fidelity” where the lead character, played by John Cusack, asks whether or not it’s fair to judge people largely on their music tastes. So, is it? What kind of music do you like? Who are your favorite singers? What’s your favorite song? When I was younger, particularly in high school and early college, I was inclined to judge potential friends and girlfriends in large part on their musical and pop-culture tastes. Yes, I was an entertainment snob. Hard to believe, I know. In comparing preferences in music, TV shows, movies, and books, I felt... Read More

Was David Bowie An Alien?

May 31st, 2018

Ever wonder what music made by an extraterrestrial might sound like? Apparently, kind of like this: “Let’s dance put on your red shoes and dance the blues…”   Which, if you play it backwards, sounds like this:   “Dance let’s shoes red your on put blues the dance and laser beam cattle rectums. . . ’’   Amazing how that works, isn’t it? And you thought only Selena Gomez wrote about laser beaming cattle rectums, didn’t you? Little did you know . . . Anyway, of course, the song I’m talking about is “Let’s Dance,” by Alf. Well,... Read More

Are Celebrities Zombies Programmed To Distract Us?

May 24th, 2018

The Royal Wedding! Selena dating Jen’s ex! Kanye West says something stupid! Ever notice that the more heinous things get regarding the economy, wars, presidential scandals, etc., the more intensely the media ignores the real news to concentrate on either celebrity scandals or deviant crimes? Sometimes I wonder if there’s a grand conspiracy regarding celebrities as well. What if celebrities are nothing but programmed Manchurian candidates, Stepford performers, who are hypnotized and controlled by secret government handlers who then program them to do silly crap to distract the masses every... Read More

A**-Kicking ‘Deadpool 2’ Is F***in’ Awesome

May 19th, 2018

If you’re anywhere near remotely offended by the implied asterisks in that headline, you should stay far away from “Deadpool 2,” a raunchy, hilarious and absolutely brilliant thrill-ride of a movie which rivals and in many ways surpasses the first film and likewise rivals and largely surpasses anything else in the Marvel film canon. “Deadpool 2” is riotously funny and stylish, action-packed and wonderfully executed. In fact, it’s so good that once it was over, I couldn’t wait to see it again. And I’m not just saying that because Ryan Reynolds sent me a check in the mail along with... Read More

Why Do So Many Blues Musicians Have The Nickname “Little?”

May 17th, 2018

You’ve heard the expression, ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. Well, ask several stupid questions, and get several stupider answers. Case in point: Q: Why do so many blues musicians, like Little Milton, etc., have the nickname “Little?” A: Because many blues musicians are descended from Oompa-Loompas. Blues music actually began with Oompa chocolate workers singing improvised spirituals bemoaning the harsh, sweatshop-like conditions in Willy Wonka’s factory, or as many of the Loopa bluesmen tagged it, “Stickyfingers Hell.” Some of the early pioneers of the artform, Little Willy... Read More

The Secret To Great School Pictures? Buttcheeks.

May 10th, 2018

It’s that time of year again, and if you have kids in elementary school, you know exactly what I mean. School pictures time. That’s right, that time when you get your kids all dressed up and tidied up and get their hair looking perfect and their outfits looking spot on and send them to school, and then six or eight weeks later you get a packet of pictures that features a child that looks fantastic, but has a look on his or her face somewhere between fear, disinterest and a desperate need to pee. I’ve been pretty lucky over the years in that my 10-year-old’s pictures have been pretty good. ... Read More

Can You Really Become Addicted To Videogames

May 6th, 2018

“Fortnite.” “Overwatch.” “God Of War.” Know anyone who plays those games? Know people who say, or demonstrate by their actions, that they’re “addicted” to those games? Think they’re exaggerating? They might not be. It sounds like a sci-fi scenario, but from a logical standpoint, you could become addicted to video games. Much like anything else addicting, all it would require would be repetitive stimulation of the right portions of the brain, creating a psychological and physiological need. And given the practice of playing video games,... Read More

FINALLY, An Answer To The Eternal Question: Do Ghosts Fart?

April 26th, 2018

The following column is excerpted from Sean Leary’s upcoming humor book, Do Vampires Poop? And Other Incredibly Important Questions, available in bookstores worldwide in September. By Sean Leary Ever walk into your house after you’ve been away, or walk into a room and notice a strange smell? Of course, once you do, you have to try to find it, because who wants a strange smell in their house? I’ll usually look for some dropped food or something behind or under furniture, and sometimes that’s the case. Some bit of stray potable that tried to escape and sadly discovered its motion was limited... Read More

Did Alice From ‘The Brady Bunch’ Lose A Bet?

April 19th, 2018

Recently, I spent a day laid up in bed, sick, with Gatorade and a TV remote as props to pass the time. Flipping beyond the deluge of courtroom and self-help shows I found a real blast from the past. “The Brady Bunch.” I didn’t even realize old episodes of “The Brady Bunch” were still airing. When I was a kid, my siblings and I used to watch re-runs and make fun of them. But it’s been a long time since I’d seen it on TV. I figured it had been superseded by shows like “Saved By The Bell,” “Family Matters” and “Full House”... Read More

Taking A Chainsaw To Chain E-Mails And Strange Friend Requests

April 17th, 2018

Sierra, I’m sorry. Call me several times burned and now shy, but I must reject your offer of friendship. Unfortunately, the same goes for you, Pat and Carole, and you, Ashlee, and, sadly, Stephanie and Katrina as well. And Gaston, don’t even go there. Now, I understand, you’ve tried contacting me via facebook friend requests, message requests and e-mail a number of times. I see your messages, with their pert subject lines — “hello!” “Someone wants to meet you” and who can forget “Want to come play tonight?” I admit, you are nothing if... Read More