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Quad Cities USA - Guide to Davenport & Bettendorf Iowa and Rock Island & Moline Illinois
 

On Halloween, Let’s Consider Important Questions. Like, Do Vampires Poop?

October 29th, 2021
On Halloween, Let's Consider Important Questions. Like, Do Vampires Poop?

It’s Halloween weekend, and along with the tricks and treats, and little goblins and ghouls, there are other things that haunt me. Questions. Queries. Imaginings. About These keep me awake at night. Can zombies swim? Whenever I watch a zombie movie, I always imagine different ways that I could escape zombies if I ever found myself in that situation. I’m sure you can all relate. Now, to be clear, I’m talking about your standard issue, usual zombies that you see in TV and movies, the kind that move very slowly, shambling along, whose bodies are in a constant state of disrepair, and who... Read More

With All The Problems In The World Today, I Think It’s Time We Asked, Can Zombies Swim?

July 9th, 2021
With All The Problems In The World Today, I Think It's Time We Asked, Can Zombies Swim?

Whenever I watch a zombie movie, I always imagine different ways that I could escape zombies if I ever found myself in that situation. I’m sure you can all relate. C’mon now, admit it. When you’re watching a horror movie, you wonder how you’d do if you were in that situation. Could you get away from that werewolf? Would you make better decisions fleeing from that vampire? Would you decide that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have sex in the woods with that cute summer camp counselor after all those other campers were found massacred by the guy in the hockey mask? And when... Read More

Halloween Column Weekend: Are There Vampire Businesses That Are Open All Night?

October 30th, 2020
Halloween Column Weekend: Are There Vampire Businesses That Are Open All Night?

To celebrate Halloween, I’m dropping multiple columns for your laughs and enjoyment. Hope you all have a happy and safe holiday! Are there Vampire businesses that are open all night? There are a lot of other businesses that amaze me with their tenacity to stay around. I never see anyone there. There are never any cars outside. They don’t advertise. They don’t seem to be particularly viable. Yet there they are, steadfast, inexplicable. Can these places be potential tax write offs or money laundering enterprises? Or do they have a set of clienteles that I’m not privy to, since... Read More

New Years Resolution: To Find The Vampire Workout Video

January 1st, 2018
New Years Resolution: To Find The Vampire Workout Video

It’s the end of one year and the beginning of the next, which means that everyone is lining up their goals and resolutions to ignore and feel guilty about in the next 365 days or so. Most of those goals will involve some sort of fitness regimen or losing weight, getting in shape or dieting. Or some combination of all of the above. Me? I’m right there with you. But I’m taking it one step beyond. My goal is to find the vampire workout video. That’s right, the vampire workout video. Hear me out. You hardly ever see any fat vampires. They’re almost invariably beautiful, young (or young-ish)... Read More

Do ‘Twilight’ Vampires Stay At The Traveler Motel?

November 7th, 2017
Do ‘Twilight’ Vampires Stay At The Traveler Motel?

I just got a friend request from a Hotel. The Super 8 in Moline. I approved the request, as I normally do approve requests from commercial entities seeking to pad their friend count (hey, I’m a businessman too, I know the game), and also because I thought it was funny that a hotel, particularly the Super 8, sent me a friend request. However, the friend request I really want to get is from the Traveler Inn. The Traveler is a little off-the-highway craphole in Davenport that boasts closed circuit TVs on their sign. I guess at one point that was a big draw. That one point? 1955. I’ve never... Read More