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Quad Cities USA - Guide to Davenport & Bettendorf Iowa and Rock Island & Moline Illinois
 

A Look Back At A Weekend That Lives In Quad-Cities Infamy: PickleWars 2021

June 18th, 2021
A Look Back At A Weekend That Lives In Quad-Cities Infamy: PickleWars 2021

“What’s all this pickle stuff?” Someone had the gall to ask me this yesterday. “All this pickle wrap stuff… what is it? Why is everyone posting about it? I don’t know what they’re talking about.” That’s a tragedy, folks. A real tragedy. An absolute shame that someone should be so ignorant and ill-informed on something so vital and important to our local well-being and civil moral and social fabric. But being a responsible journalist, I felt I needed to educate this person. And so, too, any of you who might be wondering what exactly has been... Read More

PICKLE WRAP WARS 2: RETURN OF THE MEMES! More Memes Explode In The Briny Battle

June 15th, 2021
PICKLE WRAP WARS 2: RETURN OF THE MEMES! More Memes Explode In The Briny Battle

As we previously reported FIRST on QuadCities.com, and then we saw duplicated by WQAD-TV8 (I mean, really, TV8? You’re gonna steal our ideas??? We can’t even!), the Quad-Cities has been buried in the brine of a sour battle royale over the past five days or so — yeah, that’s right, we’re talking about PICKLE WRAP WARS. So here’s the dill… to recap in my own original words (imagine me reading this in Morgan Freeman’s voice, cool as a cucumber): For those unaware, the owner of Cafe Fresh made a lengthy post the other day claiming that her Cafe was in... Read More

Illinois Is Opening Up TODAY. How Will Your Life Change?

June 11th, 2021
Illinois Is Opening Up TODAY. How Will Your Life Change?

It was mid-March of last year when we first heard the news. There was going to be a shutdown. But what did that mean? None of us had ever lived through anything like that. What was that even going to entail? How would our lives change, if at all? Already, events had started to get canceled. Sports games for kids. School. Arts activities. Concerts. Theater shows. Everything was going on hold for a couple of weeks. But it was just going to be a couple of weeks. A month, max. And, hell, it was winter, the weather was terrible anyway, we weren’t going to be going outside as it was. It wasn’t... Read More

Why Do Vegans Have A Beef With Me?

June 4th, 2021
Why Do Vegans Have A Beef With Me?

Perspective. Context. They’re two of the greatest gifts you can give yourself throughout your life. Think about the things that seemed so important to you as a teenager. The people you wanted to date. The things you wanted to do. The goals you had, the friends you had. Of all those things, which are still important to you? Do the same thing for your twenties, or thirties, and every decade beyond depending on how old you are. Hell, if you’re a vampire, go back to the 1800s. If you’re one of the Eternals, ask yourself why you were sitting on your ass when Thanos was killing half... Read More

How Will The World Change Tomorrow After UFO Disclosure?

May 31st, 2021
How Will The World Change Tomorrow After UFO Disclosure?

“What is true, and I’m actually being serious here, is that there’s footage and records of objects in the skies that we don’t know exactly what they are, we can’t explain how they moved, their trajectory, they did not have an easily explainable pattern. So, I think that people still take seriously trying to investigate and find out what that is.” Who said that? Was it Giorgio Tsoukalos, the “not sayin’ it was aliens, but it was aliens!” guy? Was it Fox Mulder? Was it Harold and Kumar at 2 a.m.? Well, maybe Harold and Kumar said something similar,... Read More

Got My Second Covid Shot, Only A Matter Of Time Before My Super Powers Activate…

May 28th, 2021
Got My Second Covid Shot, Only A Matter Of Time Before My Super Powers Activate...

Watch out Deadpool. Stand back, Wolverine. Get bent, Superman. It’s only a matter of time now. This week, I got my second covid-19 vaccination shot, and as we ALL know from the research we’ve done on the internet, the alien DNA mixed with the Bill Gates microchip and a secret recipe of nine herbs and spices will soon result in me developing mutant superpowers, in order to fight the Nirons, interdimensional aliens who are due to arrive to conquer earth any moment now. What? You didn’t read that website? Or maybe it was just a TikTok? It’s not entirely out of the realm of... Read More

Matthew Perry Could Really Use Some Friends Right Now

May 21st, 2021
Matthew Perry Could Really Use Some Friends Right Now

I feel bad for Matthew Perry. Let’s face it, the road after “Friends” has not been kind to the once-ubiquitous ’90s star. From alcoholism to rehab to flop films and shows, Perry has pretty much been on the downward slope since his career peak with one of the most popular sitcoms of the ’90s, and beyond, on streaming services. The career paths of any “Friend” not named Jennifer Aniston have followed more or less the same path — albeit with considerably less personal drama. All of the other “Friends” have pretty much settled into being much... Read More

Good News For Karaoke Singers: Now You Really Can Be Like Adele!

May 14th, 2021
Good News For Karaoke Singers: Now You Really Can Be Like Adele!

When it comes to singing, most of us are best served in our quest at vocal immortality by forgiving shower walls. Some bar band and karaoke heroes are a rung up, but we also have the advantage of typically serenading the inebriated. Even in the case of some “professional vocalists” the studio trickery of Autotune is what makes them pristine and listenable on record. However, a day may not be too far off when every crooner is perfect. A day when singers are bred, not discovered. No, this isn’t about “American  Idol.”  However, it will likely spawn a reality TV show someday. Recently,... Read More

Is Lincoln’s Ghost A Pervert? Are Blues Musicians Oompa-Loompas? Find Out Those Answers And More…

May 7th, 2021
Is Lincoln's Ghost A Pervert? Are Blues Musicians Oompa-Loompas? Find Out Those Answers And More...

You’ve heard the expression, ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. Well, ask several stupid questions, and get several stupider answers. Case in point: Q: Why aren’t the comedy shows telling more jokes about Joe Biden? A: The same reason there aren’t many jokes involving a turkey sandwich on white bread without mayonnaise because someone thinks it’s “too spicy.” Q: Are you saying Joe Biden is boring? A: I’m not saying Joe Biden is boring, but when he and Jill are trying to spice things up in the bedroom a bit, he says, “Call me Joey Biden.” Q:... Read More

May The 4th Be With You! Could The Force Become A Religion?

May 4th, 2021
May The 4th Be With You! Could The Force Become A Religion?

Could “May the Force be with you” someday be more than a T-shirt slogan? Might it one day become the climactic phrase of a religious ceremony? According to Hollywood lore, when the first “Star Wars” film became an outrageous success, George Lucas’ ambitious friend Francis Ford Coppola suggested that Lucas try to turn the philosophies of the “Star Wars” series into a religion. Lucas laughed it off. However, given recent events, he may have to once more fend off Coppola’s insistence. Since Disney bought the franchise, the “Star Wars” films and shows... Read More