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Tuesday - May 11, 2021
Quad Cities USA - Guide to Davenport & Bettendorf Iowa and Rock Island & Moline Illinois
 

Is Lincoln’s Ghost A Pervert? Are Blues Musicians Oompa-Loompas? Find Out Those Answers And More…

May 7th, 2021

You’ve heard the expression, ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. Well, ask several stupid questions, and get several stupider answers. Case in point: Q: Why aren’t the comedy shows telling more jokes about Joe Biden? A: The same reason there aren’t many jokes involving a turkey sandwich on white bread without mayonnaise because someone thinks it’s “too spicy.” Q: Are you saying Joe Biden is boring? A: I’m not saying Joe Biden is boring, but when he and Jill are trying to spice things up in the bedroom a bit, he says, “Call me Joey Biden.” Q:... Read More

May The 4th Be With You! Could The Force Become A Religion?

May 4th, 2021

Could “May the Force be with you” someday be more than a T-shirt slogan? Might it one day become the climactic phrase of a religious ceremony? According to Hollywood lore, when the first “Star Wars” film became an outrageous success, George Lucas’ ambitious friend Francis Ford Coppola suggested that Lucas try to turn the philosophies of the “Star Wars” series into a religion. Lucas laughed it off. However, given recent events, he may have to once more fend off Coppola’s insistence. Since Disney bought the franchise, the “Star Wars” films and shows... Read More

Are Celebrities Mind-Controlled Zombies?

April 30th, 2021

The Royal Family! Taylor dating Jen’s ex! Kanye West says something stupid! Ever notice that the more heinous things get regarding the economy, wars, presidential scandals, etc., the more intensely the media ignores the real news to concentrate on either celebrity scandals or deviant crimes? Sometimes I wonder if there’s a grand conspiracy regarding celebrities as well. What if celebrities are nothing but programmed Manchurian candidates, Stepford performers, who are hypnotized and controlled by secret government handlers who then program them to do silly crap to distract the masses every time... Read More

Megyn Kelly Is Like A Drunk At A Dartboard When It Comes To Her Oscars Griping

April 27th, 2021

I can’t say I usually agree with former Fox News outrage mannequin Megyn Kelly, but like a drunk at a dartboard, sometimes even though her aim is off, she hits the target. This can be seen in her latest tirade throwing red meat to the zombies looking for something to be angry about, in which she ripped on Sunday night’s Oscars ceremony and its skunky ratings, saying that the Academy Awards’ poor viewership numbers were because they were overly “woke.” “How’s all that incessant, insufferable woke, depressing lecturing via film, interviews, social media & at... Read More

You Won’t BELIEVE Who Jake Paul Is Fighting Next!!!

April 23rd, 2021

Jake Paul can’t stop courting controversy, or people wanting to punch him in the face. Paul has long elicited the enmity of countless people, going back to when he was on the Disney Channel series Bizaardvark, and pushing a rap career that saw his single, “It’s Everyday Bro“, become the third most disliked video in YouTube history. The hate/love relationship with Paul has continued with his boxing career, which has seen people lining up to pay in the hope of seeing him get his ass kicked. Thus far, Paul has led a pretty charmed life in the ring, disappointing his haters. His... Read More

UFOs Are Real. The Government Has Confirmed It. Are We Just Going To Ignore This?

April 17th, 2021

There’s a phrase, whistling in the dark, describing someone scared who is taking any number of glib, superficial actions to avoid confronting the fact that deep down, they’re frightened out of their minds. This phrase is reminiscent of much of the media right now, as this week, and several times over the previous few months, the United States government and the U.S. military has admitted the existence of UFOs. This is not a joke. I’m not kidding. There isn’t a punchline at the end of this column, as there usually is. The U.S. government, the Pentagon, has admitted the existence... Read More

From Sad Clown Paintings To Self-Pity Night, These Quad-Cities Events Just Don’t Make The Cut

April 16th, 2021

Every week, we provide you with a huge calendar of activities that will take place in the Quad-Cities area over the coming week. Because we love you. And because it’s our job … to love you. (The preceding sentence was written in tribute to the late Luther Vandross.) However, some calendar items we receive don’t make the list. Some are out of the geographic area. Some aren’t really entertainment. And some … well, some just don’t seem to fit in, if you know what I mean. For those of you who don’t know what I mean, I thought I’d provide a few examples. Following are listings for a... Read More

Smoking The Controversy On Facebook That Everyone Is Talking About

April 13th, 2021

There’s a controversy on Facebook that everyone is talking about. I know, shocking! What is it, a Tuesday? Yes, actually it is. Quick, pick up your dry cleaning before they close. You’re welcome. Of course, every day there’s a new controversy on social media. The social media companies pay people to engage and stoke controversies and then they push them through their algorithm to people they know will get ticked off, to get people fighting, and that’s how they draw bigger audiences, and make more money. The previous paragraph was brought to you by… But today’s... Read More

The Real Secret To Great Pictures: Buttcheeks

April 9th, 2021

It’s that time of year again, and if you have kids in elementary school, you know exactly what I mean. School pictures time. That’s right, that time when you get your kids all dressed up and tidied up and get their hair looking perfect and their outfits looking spot on and send them to school, and then six or eight weeks later you get a packet of pictures that features a child that looks fantastic, but has a look on his or her face somewhere between fear, disinterest and a desperate need to pee. I’ve been pretty lucky over the years in that my 13-year-old’s pictures have been pretty good. ... Read More

Who Should Be The NBA MVP? The Answer Might Surprise You… (Hint: NOT LeBron!)

April 8th, 2021

We’re entering the home stretch of the NBA season and along with talk of playoffs and playoff seeding (more on that in days to come), here comes the speculation on post-season awards firing up. The biggest award, of course, is the MVP trophy, which causes the greatest debates and in many ways generational rifts among sports fans. There’s a highly vocal contingent of mostly younger sports commentators who absolutely worship LeBron James, and their media companies make millions off of clickbait articles unreasonably and unfairly comparing him to Michael Jordan. There is no comparison. This... Read More