They’re baaaaaack. That’s right, the time travelers of TikTok have returned, with more predictions about the future that will probably turn out to be B.S., but are goofy and interesting to read about anyway. The TikTok time travelers are always from different years in the future, but the one thing they have in common is that they believe making TikTok videos is the best way to communicate with the people of our time. Apparently they consider the key decision-makers of our time to be teenagers and people in their early twenties, and middle-aged goofballs like me who are still amused... Read More

It’s the end of the year as we know it, and, so far, we feel fine. But will we still feel fine in 2023??? The Time Traveler from 2714 knows! Or, well, pretends that he knows! The Time Traveler from 2714 is back on TikTok, and is back making predictions for the new year. And, despite his track record being dubious, it hasn’t stopped me, and many others, from being amused and intrigued by his b*llshit posts. As regular readers of this column know, I love reading about time travel, and the predictions of alleged time travelers. And while my all-time favorite is the legendary John Titor,... Read More

CERN got started up again this week, possibly flinging us into another dimension. Voyager went down, screwing over me and several million other crypto investors. And James Caan just died. None of these things were predicted by the Time Traveler from 2714, although that hasn’t stopped him from continuing to make predictions. And, despite his track record being dubious, it hasn’t stopped me, and many others, from being amused and intrigued by his b*llshit posts. As regular readers of this column know, I love reading about time travel, and the predictions of alleged time travelers. And... Read More

Welcome to the column for all carbon-based life-forms. If you breathe oxygen, this is for you. And if you live on a planet, especially Earth, well, then, you’ve come to the right place. Sorry, but I’m just following the new trend in advertising: casting as absurdly wide a net as possible. Products used to be advertised to a fairly specialized base. Each ad could be counted on to pander in its own unique way. You’d have your commercials aimed at seniors, in which someone sincere who was on TV when it was still seen only in black-and-white would give a testimonial about the product. Said commercial... Read More

He’s back. And what he’s got to say is going to shock you. Maybe. I guess it depends on your tolerance for shock. Anyway, as regular readers of this column know, I love reading about time travel, and the predictions of alleged time travelers. And while my all-time favorite is the legendary John Titor, one of my current favorites is a guy on TikTok who has gone by various names as he’s morphed his account. Currently he goes by the handle Aery Yormany, @aesthetictimewarper, and as he claims on his page, “I am back, I now travel to the past to unveil the truth.” And you... Read More

This week, Q-Anon followers discovered what it was like to be Elaine Benes. No, not because they were denied harshly by the Soup Nazi. But because, much like the “Seinfeld” character, they were disappointed and jilted by their beloved John F. Kennedy Jr. Unlike Elaine, they didn’t meet him at the gym and get beaten to bed by Marla the Virgin. Instead, they were left hanging in Dallas expecting him to return from the dead, and disappointed when zombie JFK Jr didn’t turn up. Ya know, typical Tuesday. At least for Q-Anon. Apparently, there had been a rumor that turned into... Read More

Well, there’s still time to stock up on toilet paper. As previously reported on QuadCities.com, your local news source for breaking news about time travelers on TikTok and alien invasions, our old friend the time traveler from 2485, as well as a couple of other time travelers (do they call each other and coordinate this stuff?) have predicted the earth will be invaded by aliens this week. When will this event occur? Don’t worry, it won’t interrupt your Labor Day barbecue and celebration. Those considerate aliens are going to let us have our holiday before completely rocking our... Read More

Listen, folks, if you can’t trust time travelers and aliens posting on TikTok, really, who can you trust? And those time travelers and aliens are BOTH in agreement that the Pumpkin Cold Brew is far superior to the overhyped Pumpkin Spice Latte. And I agree with them. But aside from that incredibly important information, the aliens and time travelers also agree that this is going to be an astoundingly eventful week for us — especially next Tuesday, when a number of humans are going to win the alien abduction lottery, treating them to fabulous cash and prizes! According to one TikTok... Read More

So, is Donald Trump president yet? I’m writing this column around 10 p.m. Thursday night and it’s scheduled for 9:09 a.m. Friday, and I’m not sure what the exact scheduled time is for Trump to be officially reinstated as president or, according to some people, revealed as always having been president all along. Nope, I’m not kidding. No less of a reliable source than the MyPillow guy has said that Trump is going to be reinstated as president today, Friday, Aug. 13. This has followed previous claims that Trump was going to be reinstated as president on Jan. 20, March 4, and... Read More

One of the most popular columns I’ve ever written was a fun whirl through the predictions of an alleged time traveler from the year 2485. Since it was published last fall, it’s been read by hundreds of thousands of people worldwide. Every day, it gets hundreds, sometimes thousands, of views. When I first wrote it, I had no idea it was going to be so popular. I was just fascinated and amused by this person claiming to be from the future, putting predictions out there on the Internet. If I had known it was going to be so popular, I probably would’ve included a plug for one of my... Read More