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Thursday - January 20, 2022
Quad Cities USA - Guide to Davenport & Bettendorf Iowa and Rock Island & Moline Illinois
 

Oh, For Christ’s Sake, Just Let People Have Their McRibs And Be Happy In This Crap Show Year

November 26th, 2021
Oh, For Christ's Sake, Just Let People Have Their McRibs And Be Happy In This Crap Show Year

I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook today, as I am wont to do when I want to incrementally lose faith in humanity, and I stopped briefly on a posting by someone trying to make themselves look far more hip and cool than they actually are. I know, I know, hard to pin that one down when it comes to social media! You’ll never guess who I’m talking about when you’ve got 80 million people to choose from there… Anyway, the person was making a comment about a certain fast food item that some people profoundly enjoy. They post about it. They revel in its return. They write with glee... Read More

With All The Problems In The World Today, I Think It’s Time We Asked, Can Zombies Swim?

July 9th, 2021
With All The Problems In The World Today, I Think It's Time We Asked, Can Zombies Swim?

Whenever I watch a zombie movie, I always imagine different ways that I could escape zombies if I ever found myself in that situation. I’m sure you can all relate. C’mon now, admit it. When you’re watching a horror movie, you wonder how you’d do if you were in that situation. Could you get away from that werewolf? Would you make better decisions fleeing from that vampire? Would you decide that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have sex in the woods with that cute summer camp counselor after all those other campers were found massacred by the guy in the hockey mask? And when... Read More

Why Do Vegans Have A Beef With Me?

June 4th, 2021
Why Do Vegans Have A Beef With Me?

Perspective. Context. They’re two of the greatest gifts you can give yourself throughout your life. Think about the things that seemed so important to you as a teenager. The people you wanted to date. The things you wanted to do. The goals you had, the friends you had. Of all those things, which are still important to you? Do the same thing for your twenties, or thirties, and every decade beyond depending on how old you are. Hell, if you’re a vampire, go back to the 1800s. If you’re one of the Eternals, ask yourself why you were sitting on your ass when Thanos was killing half... Read More

If You’re A Human Being Living On Earth, You Need To Read This

February 19th, 2021
If You're A Human Being Living On Earth, You Need To Read This

Welcome to the column for all carbon-based life-forms. If you breathe oxygen, this is for you. And if you live on a planet, especially Earth, well, then, you’ve come to the right place. Sorry, but I’m just following the new trend in advertising: casting as absurdly wide a net as possible. Products used to be advertised to a fairly specialized base. Each ad could be counted on to pander in its own unique way. You’d have your commercials aimed at seniors, in which someone sincere who was on TV when it was still seen only in black-and-white would give a testimonial about the product. Said commercial... Read More

FINALLY, An Answer To The Eternal Question: Do Ghosts Fart?

April 26th, 2018
FINALLY, An Answer To The Eternal Question: Do Ghosts Fart?

The following column is excerpted from Sean Leary’s upcoming humor book, Do Vampires Poop? And Other Incredibly Important Questions, available in bookstores worldwide in September. By Sean Leary Ever walk into your house after you’ve been away, or walk into a room and notice a strange smell? Of course, once you do, you have to try to find it, because who wants a strange smell in their house? I’ll usually look for some dropped food or something behind or under furniture, and sometimes that’s the case. Some bit of stray potable that tried to escape and sadly discovered its motion was limited... Read More

Do Ghosts Fart?

August 17th, 2017
Sean Leary

The following column is excerpted from Sean Leary’s upcoming humor book, Do Vampires Poop? And Other Incredibly Important Questions, available in bookstores worldwide in September. Ever walk into your house after you’ve been away, or walk into a room and notice a strange smell? Of course, once you do, you have to try to find it, because who wants a strange smell in their house? I’ll usually look for some dropped food or something behind or under furniture, and sometimes that’s the case. Some bit of stray potable that tried to escape and sadly discovered its motion was limited to whatever... Read More

Keggers And Eggers: The Events That Just Don’t Make The Calendar Cut

June 28th, 2017
Sean Leary

Every week, we provide you with a huge calendar of activities that will take place in the Quad-Cities area over the coming week. Because we love you. And because it’s our job … to love you. (The preceding sentence was written in tribute to the late Luther Vandross.) However, some calendar items we receive don’t make the list. Some are out of the geographic area. Some aren’t really entertainment. And some … well, some just don’t seem to fit in, if you know what I mean. For those of you who don’t know what I mean, I thought I’d provide a few examples.... Read More