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Quad Cities USA - Guide to Davenport & Bettendorf Iowa and Rock Island & Moline Illinois
 

On National Burger Day, Iowa And Illinois Vegans Have A Beef With Me

May 28th, 2022
On National Burger Day, Iowa And Illinois Vegans Have A Beef With Me

Perspective. Context. They’re two of the greatest gifts you can give yourself throughout your life. Think about the things that seemed so important to you as a teenager. The people you wanted to date. The things you wanted to do. The goals you had, the friends you had. Of all those things, which are still important to you? Do the same thing for your twenties, or thirties, and every decade beyond depending on how old you are. Hell, if you’re a vampire, go back to the 1800s. If you’re one of the Eternals, ask yourself why you were sitting on your ass when Thanos was killing half... Read More

Why Aren’t There More Vampires And Werewolves On Soap Operas?

April 8th, 2022
Why Aren't There More Vampires And Werewolves On Soap Operas?

One of the more entertaining features that pops up on my Yahoo home page is the Soap Opera Update. It’s a recap of the previous week’s soaps. It’s pretty funny in a goofy way, catching up on the amazing, Dickensian plotlines being brought to life by over-actors on a daily basis. After all, how many other stories do I read that feature the names Bianca, Ridge and Alcazar? Some of the descriptions are fairly standard country song fare (she left me and done me wrong) or Springeresque stuff (she left me and done me wrong for both my brother and his wife, who then had a sex change... Read More

If You’re A Human Being Living On Earth, You Need To Read This

March 13th, 2022
If You're A Human Being Living On Earth, You Need To Read This

Welcome to the column for all carbon-based life-forms. If you breathe oxygen, this is for you. And if you live on a planet, especially Earth, well, then, you’ve come to the right place. Sorry, but I’m just following the new trend in advertising: casting as absurdly wide a net as possible. Products used to be advertised to a fairly specialized base. Each ad could be counted on to pander in its own unique way. You’d have your commercials aimed at seniors, in which someone sincere who was on TV when it was still seen only in black-and-white would give a testimonial about the product. Said commercial... Read More

Oh, For Christ’s Sake, Just Let People Have Their McRibs And Be Happy In This Crap Show Year

November 26th, 2021
Oh, For Christ's Sake, Just Let People Have Their McRibs And Be Happy In This Crap Show Year

I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook today, as I am wont to do when I want to incrementally lose faith in humanity, and I stopped briefly on a posting by someone trying to make themselves look far more hip and cool than they actually are. I know, I know, hard to pin that one down when it comes to social media! You’ll never guess who I’m talking about when you’ve got 80 million people to choose from there… Anyway, the person was making a comment about a certain fast food item that some people profoundly enjoy. They post about it. They revel in its return. They write with glee... Read More

If You Don’t Want Your Kids To Be Lazy, Keep Them Away From This Show

July 2nd, 2021
If You Don't Want Your Kids To Be Lazy, Keep Them Away From This Show

Sean Leary is on vacation. The following is a column from the upcoming book, Sean Leary’s Greatest Hits, vol. 9, coming to bookstores worldwide this summer. Recently, I discovered a show that features some of the biggest dawdlers, layabouts and goldbrickers I’ve ever seen in the history of TV. A show geared toward kids. A show that may be poisoning the work ethic of this country’s youth and undermining our competitiveness in the world economy. That show? “Wonder Pets.” I recently became a father, and as such, I’ve started to acquaint myself with kids’ programming. Little did I... Read More

Got My Second Covid Shot, Only A Matter Of Time Before My Super Powers Activate…

May 28th, 2021
Got My Second Covid Shot, Only A Matter Of Time Before My Super Powers Activate...

Watch out Deadpool. Stand back, Wolverine. Get bent, Superman. It’s only a matter of time now. This week, I got my second covid-19 vaccination shot, and as we ALL know from the research we’ve done on the internet, the alien DNA mixed with the Bill Gates microchip and a secret recipe of nine herbs and spices will soon result in me developing mutant superpowers, in order to fight the Nirons, interdimensional aliens who are due to arrive to conquer earth any moment now. What? You didn’t read that website? Or maybe it was just a TikTok? It’s not entirely out of the realm of... Read More

A Column That John David Will Absolutely Love

April 2nd, 2021
A Column That John David Will Absolutely Love

It’s an odd trend in entertainment and pop culture, but strangely, there are a lot of creative, imaginative and cool creators named John and David. Think about it. Think of all the popular and/or pop culturally influential Johns. John Lennon. John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten). John Belushi. John Cusack. Johnny Depp. John Steinbeck. John Hiatt. John Waters. Johnny Carson. John Mayer. John Grisham. John Fogerty. John Legend. John Mellencamp. Etc. Etc. And then there are the many Davids: David Letterman. Dave Chappelle. Dave Barry. David Mamet. David Lynch. David Fincher. David Byrne. David Sedaris. David... Read More

Advice To A New Teenager

March 26th, 2021
Advice To A New Teenager

It seems like only yesterday when I turned 13. I remember it distinctly, from my party with my friends to some of the gifts I most cherished (a Converse All-Stars Magic Johnson t-shirt, a Duran Duran album, and other things which would certainly date me as a child of the ’80s.) This week, my own son, Jackson, turns 13. And it’s a much, much, different world from when I entered my teen years. I didn’t have cell phones, or the internet, or anywhere near the entertainment or virtual reality options my son does now. I spent most of my time playing outside, my mom was working most... Read More

Could The Jedi Order One Day Be A Major Religion?

January 7th, 2021
Could The Jedi Order One Day Be A Major Religion?

Could “May the Force be with you” someday be more than a T-shirt slogan? Might it one day become the climactic phrase of a religious ceremony? According to Hollywood lore, when the first “Star Wars” film became an outrageous success, George Lucas’ ambitious friend Francis Ford Coppola suggested that Lucas try to turn the philosophies of the “Star Wars” series into a religion. Lucas laughed it off. However, given recent events, he may have to once more fend off Coppola’s insistence. Since Disney bought the franchise, the “Star Wars” films have become more popular and ubiquitous... Read More

This Year Has Sucked Enough, Let People Have Their McRibs And Nickelback

December 18th, 2020
This Year Has Sucked Enough, Let People Have Their McRibs And Nickelback

I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook today, as I am wont to do when I want to incrementally lose faith in humanity, and I stopped briefly on a posting by someone trying to make themselves look far more hip and cool than they actually are. I know, I know, hard to pin that one down when it comes to social media! You’ll never guess who I’m talking about when you’ve got 80 million people to choose from there… Anyway, the person was making a comment about a certain fast food item that some people (not myself, but some people), profoundly enjoy. They post about... Read More