The Middle East is erupting in violence. People are protesting. We’ve got two senile people running for president. And yet we’ve got bigger things to worry about, people! Like this: A TIME TRAVELER FROM THE YEAR 2485 IS PREDICTING THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!!!! When???? When???? When?????? Well, glad you asked, because it allowed […]
Is ET shopping at HyVee? As UFO sightings increase across the nation, and a Pentagon whistleblower is testifying about the government having UFOs and “extraterrestrial non-human beings” in their custody, there have been a handful of alleged UFO sightings over the Quad-Cities. The latest one flew onto local radar over the weekend, this time over […]
The Lord may work in mysterious ways, but the the way the devil works is obviously just plain strange. For example, God has been known to communicate to humans through burning bushes, the angel Gabriel and his son, Jesus Christ. And beezlebub? Well, apparently, he’s been sending us messages through the song “I Adore (Mi […]
It’s the latest rumor ripping around the TikTok space and beyond — strange weather patterns and storms, particularly tornadoes, are all part of a front to disguise alien invasions which are happening right now, and are going to become more and more prominent and in-our-face as the year goes on! Of course it sounds like […]
CERN got started up again this week, possibly flinging us into another dimension. Voyager went down, screwing over me and several million other crypto investors. And James Caan just died. None of these things were predicted by the Time Traveler from 2714, although that hasn’t stopped him from continuing to make predictions. And, despite his […]
This week has been an incredibly eventful one. Neil Young pulled his music from Amazon to protest them exploiting children and using forced child labor in China. Oh, wait, no, he actually didn’t! He actually told people to go to Amazon and listen to his music there! Young pulled his music from Spotify, in protest […]
He’s back. And what he’s got to say is going to shock you. Maybe. I guess it depends on your tolerance for shock. Anyway, as regular readers of this column know, I love reading about time travel, and the predictions of alleged time travelers. And while my all-time favorite is the legendary John Titor, one […]
This week, Q-Anon followers discovered what it was like to be Elaine Benes. No, not because they were denied harshly by the Soup Nazi. But because, much like the “Seinfeld” character, they were disappointed and jilted by their beloved John F. Kennedy Jr. Unlike Elaine, they didn’t meet him at the gym and get beaten […]
Well, there’s still time to stock up on toilet paper. As previously reported on QuadCities.com, your local news source for breaking news about time travelers on TikTok and alien invasions, our old friend the time traveler from 2485, as well as a couple of other time travelers (do they call each other and coordinate this […]
Listen, folks, if you can’t trust time travelers and aliens posting on TikTok, really, who can you trust? And those time travelers and aliens are BOTH in agreement that the Pumpkin Cold Brew is far superior to the overhyped Pumpkin Spice Latte. And I agree with them. But aside from that incredibly important information, the […]
