Is Today’s Iowa Tornado Storm Part Of An Alien Invasion?
It’s the latest rumor ripping around the TikTok space and beyond — strange weather patterns and storms, particularly tornadoes, are all part of a front to disguise alien invasions which are happening right now, and are going to become more and more prominent and in-our-face as the year goes on!
Of course it sounds like total BS, but, hey, what doesn’t on TikTok anymore?
At least it’s entertaining, and we could all use some of that these days, with all the bad news out there and the fact that one trip to the grocery store costs several thousand dollars.
In all seriousness, we are supposed to get some gnarly storms this afternoon, so make sure you’re stocked up on batteries and candles (no, no, not because of that you perverts!), and that you’re not out driving and are in a safe place this afternoon. Got it? Good. Now let’s get into the batshit crazy stuff…
So, as I’ve previously covered before in this space, there have been a number of strange UFO sightings that have been revealed over the past year or two. It seems as if the government is getting closer to coming out and saying that yes, they have evidence of life elsewhere, and that yes, UFOs are real, in the alien sense, not in the weather balloon club sense.
A number of conspiracy theorists online have been saying that the aliens themselves are getting ready to reveal themselves and that’s why the government is being pushed into this, because they want to prepare people for the revelation.
Those folks also say that the alien spacecraft hide themselves in giant cloud formations, and that massive storms are actually manufactured by the aliens.
One of those folks — surprise surprise for readers of this column who know my love of TikTok time travelers — is a TikTok time traveler.
That’s right, the time travelers of TikTok have returned, with more predictions about the future that will probably turn out to be B.S., but are goofy and interesting to read about anyway.
The TikTok time travelers are always from different years in the future, but the one thing they have in common is that they believe making TikTok videos is the best way to communicate with the people of our time. Apparently they consider the key decision-makers of our time to be teenagers and people in their early twenties, and middle-aged goofballs like me who are still amused by TikTok.
According to the time travelers, the aliens hitting us up this week are actually here to save us from OTHER aliens who are still a good 100 years away. Why are they getting here so soon? Because it takes 15 years to get from their planet to ours and back, so it’ll take a good three trips to get humans off world before the bad aliens show up, at which point they’ll be like, “Hey, where’s everybody at? We were going to invade this place and cause general turmoil and there’s nobody around!”
And then another alien will say, “Wait, sir, we’ve got some life readings emanating from just over that hill!”
Then they’ll all march over the hill and there they’ll find a tavern, occupied by several million cockroaches, and Keith Richards.
“Mick, is that you?” Keith will say.
And the aliens will reply, “Gurl, you so crazy!”
Then they’ll all laugh, and we’ll fade to credits as a wacky song plays and slides of alien hijinks with Keith and the roaches slip by in the background.
So, I don’t know, maybe it won’t be so bad after all.
Anyway, here are the details, because I know you’ve been anxiously awaiting the lowdown on this event:
According to one TikTok time traveler, and his alien compatriots, during these storms, an alien that landed here last year (but has been going incognito since then, probably checking out state fairs and entering corn dog-eating competitions) is going to announce their presence and tell earthlings that they are in grave danger — and will begin evacuating people 4,000 at a time.
The GOOD alien is going to be taking 4,000 skilled workers and children to a nearby habitable planet called Proxima B. It takes 15 years to get there, so make sure you go to the bathroom beforehand, because they are not stopping. Then, the alien will return every 30 years, presumably with more ships and aliens, because otherwise it’s going to get really crowded, and that will, to quote the time traveler, “save humanity.”
ANOTHER Time Traveler from the year 2714 is backing up PART of this story! Sort of. The Time Traveler is claiming that part of the story, the alien invasion part, is ACTUALLY, REALLY going to happen this week, NOT 100 years from now.
Anyway, according to our friend the Time Traveler from 2714, the alien invasion all has to do with the meteor shower that took place last July.
To astronomers and amateur star-gazers, it looked just like the Perseid meteor shower, but it was actually a smokescreen (probably the kind that Shaggy causes) and that many of the so-called meteors are actually spacecraft of an extra-dimensional alien race called the Nirons, who are going to invade earth and wage interdimensional war with us.
The Nirons keep on popping up in these Time Traveler stories, which is really too bad, because those Time Travelers should know you should never keep too many Nirons in the fire.
Hey, hey, hey, the aliens love Dad jokes.
That’s what another Time Traveler from 2986 told me.