From Trump To Time Travelers, Aliens To A Shutdown, It’s Going To Be A Busy Weekend
So, is Donald Trump president yet?
I’m writing this column around 10 p.m. Thursday night and it’s scheduled for 9:09 a.m. Friday, and I’m not sure what the exact scheduled time is for Trump to be officially reinstated as president or, according to some people, revealed as always having been president all along.
Nope, I’m not kidding.
No less of a reliable source than the MyPillow guy has said that Trump is going to be reinstated as president today, Friday, Aug. 13. This has followed previous claims that Trump was going to be reinstated as president on Jan. 20, March 4, and different dates in June and July. And, according to at least one poll from Forbes, three in ten Republicans believe that will happen.
Now, the more reasonable of these completely batshit crazy people think that, hey, at least, there’s a logic to his reinstatement. They think that there’s going to be a giant revelation of election fraud and that Trump will be reinstated as president due to the election fraud. Nothing supernatural or odd, just plain old election fraud.
SOME folks believe a considerably darker, wackier, and more convoluted story is going to unfold.
The more eccentric wing of QAnon claimed that on this past Wednesday, TV, Internet and phones were going to be shut down due to a national emergency. Imagine the thrill and shock of anyone living around the Midwest when the derecho hit that morning and all those things actually DID get shut down… due to weather.
However, according to the QAnon crowd, the communications weren’t going to be continue to be shut down due to weather, but due to a series of events that was going to occur through the weekend. Yes, according to Q, they were going to be shut down due to an event called “The Rod of God” (which I think was John Holmes’ nickname), in which nuclear bombs were going to destroy the Vatican, the White House, and Buckingham Palace, in addition to 29 other “reptilian pedophile Illuminati cabal-owned buildings.”
According to this claim, in addition to this, “Social media will be completely destroyed. EBS will announce what’s happening and 7 presidential messages from Trump. There will be a fake alien invasion and fake Trump assassination which will be upsetting nonetheless.”
Yeah, as fake alien invasions and assassinations often are.
Now, let’s look once more at that TO DO list for this week:
Social media shutdown.
Nuclear bombs on 32 major targets across the globe.
Trump revealed to secretly be president.
Fake assassination of Trump.
Fake alien invasion.
So, as the post warns, stock up on toilet paper!
A Time Traveler from the year 2714 is backing up PART of this story! Sort of. The Time Traveler is claiming that part of the story, the alien invasion part, is ACTUALLY, REALLY going to happen this week. (What is it that makes this week so special? Full moon??? Eclipse??? Is it Libra Season???)
Anyway, according to our friend the Time Traveler from 2714, the alien invasion all has to do with the current meteor shower, which began in mid-July, and is scheduled to shimmer across the skies of the Northern Hemisphere for the next two weeks or so.
Now, to the ignorant and uninitiated, this may just look like a routine Perseid meteor shower.
But, to those who KNOW, it’s much, much, more.
And by those in the know, I mean our old friend the Time Traveler from 2714, and some other routine kooks online.
TT2714 has been saying that the meteor shower is nothing less than a front for an actual alien invasion of earth, and that many of the so-called meteors are actually spacecraft of an extra-dimensional alien race called the Nirons, who are going to invade earth and wage interdimensional war with us.
How will they do so?
Well, according to the time traveler’s theory, there’s going to be massive storms across the planet, with strangely larger than normal droplets of water, which are actually containing the seeds of the alien Nirons. Once the alien seeds drop to earth, they’ll grow into full-blown aliens and begin their invasion.
Now, if this sounds vaguely familiar to you, it’s probably because you’re, like me, a fan of the underrated Steve Martin/Eddie Murphy comedy “Bowfinger.” In that flick, Martin plays a sleazy amateur filmmaker who stalks a huge movie star, played by Murphy, to shoot footage of him to edit into his new movie, which he’ll then bill as
starring Murphy’s character. The film is about an alien invasion of earth through raindrops, that only the star can vanquish!
Yes. Yes, folks. We’ve gotten to the point in this surreal reality that people are actually believing recycled plot points from a parody movie tucked into another parody movie from the 1990s that involves something called Chubby Rain.
How the hell did we get here?
However, there’s been a little bit of a tiff between Time Travelers here… as there’s ANOTHER Time Traveler calling himself FutureTimeTraveler who vehemently disagrees with the TT2714. FutureTimeTraveler says that the aliens, which will be over 7 foot tall, won’t be invading until next May. May 24, to be exact. So, at least we’ll get to see who wins the Super Bowl and the Oscars before they take over. And by “take over,” I mean, the NBA. With that height? Damn, those aliens will be lottery picks!
If you think alien invasions, nuclear attacks, Trump reinstatements and chubby rain aren’t crazy enough, just wait until you hear THE MOST INSANE CONSPIRACY THEORY ON WHAT’S COMING THIS WEEKEND…. AND YOU CAN SEE IT FOR YOURSELF IN THIS VIDEO HERE!