Quad-Cities kids are being invited to have a devil of a time at a new After School Satan Club sponsored by The Satanic Temple of the Quad-Cities. The post-school primer for potentially pointy-horned poindexters was announced through a flyer (not one using bat wings, but one that flew through an almost as demonic device, a copy machine) sent out to students this week, notifying them of a new after school club at Jane Addams (Family?) Elementary in Moline. The flyer proclaims, “Hey kids, let’s have fun at After School Satan Club!” The club promises arts and crafts, science projects,... Read More

Entertainment is a tricky thing. One person’s wholesome fare is another person’s demon-possessed trash. From time to time, I’ll get emails from irate people who are disappointed that I’ve recommended some bit of entertainment they find to be offensive. One of them messaged me about it. Another called me, taking me to task for “leading children down the path of evil.” How she knew I’d been a tour guide at Disneyland is beyond me. But nonetheless, this lady wasn’t pleased. “You shouldn’t be telling parents to let their children go to demonic concerts…you should be warning them... Read More

I hope you’re stocked up on pizza rolls and champagne! Because a HUGE WORLD EVENT is going to happen TOMORROW. How do I know? A time traveler told me. Yup, that’s right. A time traveler. No, I haven’t been out to the Milan dispensary this morning, I’m talking about a person calling themselves @thatonetimetraveler on TikTok, who claims to be from the year 2485, where their company, Aura, has built the first functioning time machine. The time traveler, who also claims to be human and from the planet Vadho (you know, where Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion built that house),... Read More

I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook today, as I am wont to do when I want to incrementally lose faith in humanity, and I stopped briefly on a posting by someone trying to make themselves look far more hip and cool than they actually are. I know, I know, hard to pin that one down when it comes to social media! You’ll never guess who I’m talking about when you’ve got 80 million people to choose from there… Anyway, the person was making a comment about a certain fast food item that some people (not myself, but some people), profoundly enjoy. They post about... Read More

There’s a scene in Nick Hornby’s “High Fidelity” where the lead character, played by John Cusack, asks whether or not it’s fair to judge people largely on their music tastes. So, is it? What kind of music do you like? Who are your favorite singers? What’s your favorite song? When I was younger, particularly in high school and early college, I was inclined to judge potential friends and girlfriends in large part on their musical and pop-culture tastes. Yes, I was an entertainment snob. Hard to believe, I know. In comparing preferences in music, TV shows, movies, and books, I felt... Read More

Listen, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Wow! Taylor Swift just released a new album! I wonder which ex-boyfriends all her songs are about?” Oh, you naïve child. Taylor Swift’s songs have never been about ex-boyfriends, any more than Planet Ping Pong’s pizza menu has been about pizza. Of course, those of us who aren’t SHEEPLE all know Taylor (I can call her Taylor) has long been a tool of the Illuminati, and her songs have incorporated secret coded metaphors for the takeover of the world. “Blank Space?” About people having their memories erased and reprogrammed... Read More

There’s a scene in Nick Hornby’s “High Fidelity” where the lead character, played by John Cusack, asks whether or not it’s fair to judge people largely on their music tastes. So, is it? What kind of music do you like? Who are your favorite singers? What’s your favorite song? When I was younger, particularly in high school and early college, I was inclined to judge potential friends and girlfriends in large part on their musical and pop-culture tastes. Yes, I was an entertainment snob. Hard to believe, I know. In comparing preferences in music, TV shows, movies, and books, I felt... Read More

It’s hard to believe that anything could be better than cover bands, karaoke and gravy, unless it’s a Nickelback cover band that leads a karaoke version of “Call Me Maybe” retitled “Call Me Gravy,” as they’re making gravy, but, as incomprehensible as it may be even within the realm of quantum physics, Andrew King insists that the new Bix Beiderbomb Presents MAY be even better than that. MAY be. He’s not making any promises or guarantees. So, if your to-do list for the week includes downing cheap beer, laughing at cheap comedy, being surprised by cheap thrills and stories and getting... Read More

It’s hard to believe that anything could be better than cover bands, karaoke and gravy, unless it’s a Nickelback cover band that leads a karaoke version of “Call Me Maybe” re-titled “Call Me Gravy,” as they’re making gravy, but, as incomprehensible as it may be even within the realm of quantum physics, Andrew King insists that the new Bix Beiderbomb Presents MAY be even better than that. MAY be. He’s not making any promises or guarantees. So, if your to-do list for the week includes downing cheap beer, laughing at cheap comedy, being surprised by cheap thrills and stories and getting... Read More