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Wednesday - January 20, 2021
Quad Cities USA - Guide to Davenport & Bettendorf Iowa and Rock Island & Moline Illinois
 

Is Something HUGE Happening TOMORROW? This TIME TRAVELER FROM 2485 Says So…

January 1st, 2021

I hope you’re stocked up on pizza rolls and champagne! Because a HUGE WORLD EVENT is going to happen TOMORROW. How do I know? A time traveler told me. Yup, that’s right. A time traveler. No, I haven’t been out to the Milan dispensary this morning, I’m talking about a person calling themselves @thatonetimetraveler on TikTok, who claims to be from the year 2485, where their company, Aura, has built the first functioning time machine. The time traveler, who also claims to be human and from the planet Vadho (you know, where Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion built that house),... Read More

This Year Has Sucked Enough, Let People Have Their McRibs And Nickelback

December 18th, 2020

I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook today, as I am wont to do when I want to incrementally lose faith in humanity, and I stopped briefly on a posting by someone trying to make themselves look far more hip and cool than they actually are. I know, I know, hard to pin that one down when it comes to social media! You’ll never guess who I’m talking about when you’ve got 80 million people to choose from there… Anyway, the person was making a comment about a certain fast food item that some people (not myself, but some people), profoundly enjoy. They post about... Read More

Should You Judge Someone On Their Musical Tastes? Even If They Like Nickelback?

September 4th, 2020

There’s a scene in Nick Hornby’s “High Fidelity” where the lead character, played by John Cusack, asks whether or not it’s fair to judge people largely on their music tastes. So, is it? What kind of music do you like? Who are your favorite singers? What’s your favorite song? When I was younger, particularly in high school and early college, I was inclined to judge potential friends and girlfriends in large part on their musical and pop-culture tastes. Yes, I was an entertainment snob. Hard to believe, I know. In comparing preferences in music, TV shows, movies, and books, I felt... Read More

Taylor Swift Offers More Than ‘Folklore’ About Her Illuminati Ties

July 31st, 2020

Listen, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Wow! Taylor Swift just released a new album! I wonder which ex-boyfriends all her songs are about?” Oh, you naïve child. Taylor Swift’s songs have never been about ex-boyfriends, any more than Planet Ping Pong’s pizza menu has been about pizza. Of course, those of us who aren’t SHEEPLE all know Taylor (I can call her Taylor) has long been a tool of the Illuminati, and her songs have incorporated secret coded metaphors for the takeover of the world. “Blank Space?” About people having their memories erased and reprogrammed... Read More

Should You Judge Someone On Whether They Like Nickelback?

June 27th, 2018

There’s a scene in Nick Hornby’s “High Fidelity” where the lead character, played by John Cusack, asks whether or not it’s fair to judge people largely on their music tastes. So, is it? What kind of music do you like? Who are your favorite singers? What’s your favorite song? When I was younger, particularly in high school and early college, I was inclined to judge potential friends and girlfriends in large part on their musical and pop-culture tastes. Yes, I was an entertainment snob. Hard to believe, I know. In comparing preferences in music, TV shows, movies, and books, I felt... Read More

Bix Beiderbomb Offers Show Even Better Than Cover Bands, Karaoke AND Gravy

August 11th, 2016

It’s hard to believe that anything could be better than cover bands, karaoke and gravy, unless it’s a Nickelback cover band that leads a karaoke version of “Call Me Maybe” retitled “Call Me Gravy,” as they’re making gravy, but, as incomprehensible as it may be even within the realm of quantum physics, Andrew King insists that the new Bix Beiderbomb Presents MAY be even better than that. MAY be. He’s not making any promises or guarantees. So, if your to-do list for the week includes downing cheap beer, laughing at cheap comedy, being surprised by cheap thrills and stories and getting... Read More

Bix Beiderbomb Offers Show Even Better Than Cover Bands, Karaoke AND Gravy

June 29th, 2016

It’s hard to believe that anything could be better than cover bands, karaoke and gravy, unless it’s a Nickelback cover band that leads a karaoke version of “Call Me Maybe” re-titled “Call Me Gravy,” as they’re making gravy, but, as incomprehensible as it may be even within the realm of quantum physics, Andrew King insists that the new Bix Beiderbomb Presents MAY be even better than that. MAY be. He’s not making any promises or guarantees. So, if your to-do list for the week includes downing cheap beer, laughing at cheap comedy, being surprised by cheap thrills and stories and getting... Read More