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Quad Cities USA - Guide to Davenport & Bettendorf Iowa and Rock Island & Moline Illinois
 

Forget Whoopi And Rogan, The Time Traveler From 2485 Is Back With Shocking News!

February 4th, 2022
Forget Whoopi And Rogan, The Time Traveler From 2485 Is Back With Shocking News!

This week has been an incredibly eventful one. Neil Young pulled his music from Amazon to protest them exploiting children and using forced child labor in China. Oh, wait, no, he actually didn’t! He actually told people to go to Amazon and listen to his music there! Young pulled his music from Spotify, in protest over the Joe Rogan podcast having on guests who espouse controversial theories on covid-19, like, you can catch it from believing CNN when they push fake wars and say that Saddam Hussein has been housing massive caches of weapons of mass destruction. Of course, the real virus spreading... Read More

The Time Traveler From 2714 Is Back, And You’re Going To Be Shocked…

January 14th, 2022
The Time Traveler From 2714 Is Back, And You're Going To Be Shocked...

He’s back. And what he’s got to say is going to shock you. Maybe. I guess it depends on your tolerance for shock. Anyway, as regular readers of this column know, I love reading about time travel, and the predictions of alleged time travelers. And while my all-time favorite is the legendary John Titor, one of my current favorites is a guy on TikTok who has gone by various names as he’s morphed his account. Currently he goes by the handle Aery Yormany, @aesthetictimewarper, and as he claims on his page, “I am back, I now travel to the past to unveil the truth.” And you... Read More

Will The Time Traveler From 2485 Be Right? Will Aliens Invade Earth Tuesday?

September 5th, 2021
Will The Time Traveler From 2485 Be Right? Will Aliens Invade Earth Tuesday?

Well, there’s still time to stock up on toilet paper. As previously reported on QuadCities.com, your local news source for breaking news about time travelers on TikTok and alien invasions, our old friend the time traveler from 2485, as well as a couple of other time travelers (do they call each other and coordinate this stuff?) have predicted the earth will be invaded by aliens this week. When will this event occur? Don’t worry, it won’t interrupt your Labor Day barbecue and celebration. Those considerate aliens are going to let us have our holiday before completely rocking our... Read More

It’s Going To Be An Extremely Eventful Week, According To Time Travelers And Aliens

September 3rd, 2021
It's Going To Be An Extremely Eventful Week, According To Time Travelers And Aliens

Listen, folks, if you can’t trust time travelers and aliens posting on TikTok, really, who can you trust? And those time travelers and aliens are BOTH in agreement that the Pumpkin Cold Brew is far superior to the overhyped Pumpkin Spice Latte. And I agree with them. But aside from that incredibly important information, the aliens and time travelers also agree that this is going to be an astoundingly eventful week for us — especially next Tuesday, when a number of humans are going to win the alien abduction lottery, treating them to fabulous cash and prizes! According to one TikTok... Read More

Time Travelers Reveal This Year’s Super Bowl Winner, And It’s…

February 7th, 2021
Time Travelers Reveal This Year's Super Bowl Winner, And It's...

About half a football field’s throw ago, I wrote a column about an alleged time traveler from the year 2485. I wrote it as a joke, of course, because I can only take time travel so seriously. As a concept, I find it fascinating, as I find all esoteric science and the ilk fascinating, and of course time travel has been proven theoretically possible, so I don’t completely discount it out of hand. However, I also use a generous serving of salt grains when reading about alleged time travelers. And I add limes and tequila. There are plenty of time travelers on TikTok, the social media platform... Read More

Is Something HUGE Happening TOMORROW? This TIME TRAVELER FROM 2485 Says So…

January 1st, 2021
Is Something HUGE Happening TOMORROW? This TIME TRAVELER FROM 2485 Says So...

I hope you’re stocked up on pizza rolls and champagne! Because a HUGE WORLD EVENT is going to happen TOMORROW. How do I know? A time traveler told me. Yup, that’s right. A time traveler. No, I haven’t been out to the Milan dispensary this morning, I’m talking about a person calling themselves @thatonetimetraveler on TikTok, who claims to be from the year 2485, where their company, Aura, has built the first functioning time machine. The time traveler, who also claims to be human and from the planet Vadho (you know, where Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion built that house),... Read More