About half a football field’s throw ago, I wrote a column about an alleged time traveler from the year 2485. I wrote it as a joke, of course, because I can only take time travel so seriously. As a concept, I find it fascinating, as I find all esoteric science and the ilk fascinating, and of course time travel has been proven theoretically possible, so I don’t completely discount it out of hand. However, I also use a generous serving of salt grains when reading about alleged time travelers. And I add limes and tequila. There are plenty of time travelers on TikTok, the social media platform... Read More

In honor of David Bowie’s birthday today, Jan. 8, Happy birthday, Bowie, whatever planet you’re on… Ever wonder what music made by an extraterrestrial might sound like? Apparently, kind of like this: “Let’s dance put on your red shoes and dance the blues…” Which, if you play it backwards, sounds like this: “Dance let’s shoes red your on put blues the dance and laser beam cattle rectums. . . ’’ Amazing how that works, isn’t it? And you thought only Selena Gomez wrote about laser beaming cattle rectums, didn’t you? Little did you know . .... Read More

I hope you’re stocked up on pizza rolls and champagne! Because a HUGE WORLD EVENT is going to happen TOMORROW. How do I know? A time traveler told me. Yup, that’s right. A time traveler. No, I haven’t been out to the Milan dispensary this morning, I’m talking about a person calling themselves @thatonetimetraveler on TikTok, who claims to be from the year 2485, where their company, Aura, has built the first functioning time machine. The time traveler, who also claims to be human and from the planet Vadho (you know, where Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion built that house),... Read More