Quad-Cities kids are being invited to have a devil of a time at a new After School Satan Club sponsored by The Satanic Temple of the Quad-Cities.
The post-school primer for potentially pointy-horned poindexters was announced through a flyer (not one using bat wings, but one that flew through an almost as demonic device, a copy machine
) sent out to students this week, notifying them of a new after school club at Jane Addams (Family?) Elementary in Moline
The flyer proclaims, “Hey kids, let’s have fun at After School Satan Club!” The club promises arts and crafts, science projects, puzzles and games and nature activities. It also touts that it will teach children problem solving, benevolence and empathy, and critical thinking (which probably means it should be mandatory for about 83 percent of the people sharing memes and links on Facebook.) The program is for kids in first through fifth grades, regardless of their religious background. So, you’re welcome too, Flying Spaghetti Monster people! And you too, Tom Cruise!
The flyer for the After School Satan Club. Needless to say, Chick-Fil-A will not be served.
Essentially, the entire reason for being for this particular club, not just on a local level, but also for similar organizations popping up across the country, is that they’re trying to lure children worldwide into worshiping this demonic entity.
No! No! No! Just kidding! Actually, it’s a reaction to the growing number of non-secular and in particular evangelical Christian-oriented Good News clubs sponsored by and featured at public schools across the country. The satanic website for the programs basically says as much, noting, “The pre-existing presence of evangelical after school clubs not only established a precedent for which school districts must now accept Satanic groups, but the evangelical after school clubs have created the need for Satanic after school clubs to offer a contrasting balance to student’s extracurricular activities.
“(In Good News clubs) children are told, in very personal terms, that they are sinful, wicked, deceitful, and deserving of punishment, death, and an eternity of suffering in hell.” The Good News Clubs strive to train children to evangelize to other children to bring them to their religious thinking.
Offering comment on the After School Satan Clubs, Ozzy Osbourne said, “Sbbbyyla bbaba eeyybbaba weebbeaa baohoho nababala blahhblahh.” Indeed.
“The (group behind the Good News clubs) does not represent the whole of American Christians and, in fact, they seem to have an acrimonious relationship with a significant population of Christians. There happens to be no shortage of Christians who understand the value of Church/State separation and prefer that religious matters be left to individual families and their communities of worship and/or practice. Like us, these Christians believe that religious doctrine should not be insidiously coerced upon children in public schools.”
According to the Satanic Temple’s website offering info on the group, “The After School Satan Clubs meet at select public schools where Good News Clubs also operate. Trained educators provide activities and learning opportunities, which students are free to engage in, or they may opt to explore other interests that may be aided by available resources. The environment is open and parents are welcome to participate. While the classes are designed to promote intellectual and emotional development in accordance with TST’s tenets, no proselytization or religious instruction takes place.
“Proselytization is not our goal, and we’re not interested in converting children to Satanism. After School Satan Clubs will focus on free inquiry and rationalism, the scientific basis for which we know what we know about the world around us.We prefer to give children an appreciation of the natural wonders surrounding them, not a fear of everlasting other-worldly horrors.”
In later years, after far too much Absinthe, Harry Potter really let himself go.
Predictably, many folks have had a fiery reaction to the flier and have been seeing red about the club, prompting the Moline
-Coal Valley School District to issue the following statement:
-Coal Valley School District understands that there is concern and confusion over an upcoming after-school club at Jane Addams Elementary. The District would like to provide information on the situation.
-Coal Valley School District and Board of Education have policies and administrative procedures in place which allow for community use of its publicly funded facilities outside the school day. The district does not discriminate against any groups
who wish to rent our facilities, including religious-affiliated groups. Religiously affiliated groups are among those allowed to rent our facilities for a fee. The district has, in the past, approved these types of groups, one example being the Good News Club, which
is an after-school child evangelism fellowship group. Flyers and promotional materials for these types of groups are approved for lobby posting or display only, and not for mass distribution. Students or parents are then able to pick up the flyer from the lobby, if they so choose, which is aligned to District policy.
Please note that the district must provide equal access to all groups and that students need parental permission to attend any after-school event. Our focus remains on student safety and student achievement.”
Yeah, ya know, that old, wacky First Amendment stuff about not having a state religion, etc. etc.
If you like these, you’re going to hell.
To the satanists’ credit, they are being quite careful about covid, requiring children to bring masks, and they are sensitive to the needs of people with food allergies, according to the flyer.
That said, one would assume deviled eggs, devils food cake, deviled ham, and other sinful delicacies will be offered. One is encouraged to have a devil-may-care attitude when going into the club. And of course, you’re promised a hell of a time.
For more information about the first amendment, click HERE.